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The unwritten letter

I escaped death two times and I was so glad about it. But I was wonderin how many lifeís someoneís got and what is the consequence. Now I know the price, yeah time shows it to me.
Iím so tired to play the clown and wash your fears away. Canít you see, Iím wearing this mask only for your peace? Donít wanna break your hart with my war inside. My demons are back again, reign in my mind and pull me down. I donít know myself anymore, loose my mind, damn my heart.
Oh canít you see, Iím so tired, just wanna lay down my head and sleep. Iím so tired of life, but still Iím fightin to stay alive, just for you.
What happen to us? Since those cruel days, as dead hold me in his hands again, I canít reach you anymore. I came back to you, but it feels like I live someone elseís life. It feels so wrong, like I shouldnít be here anymore. Iím so lost, alone and wounded, oh I canít go on.
In my dreams, I see myself in the grave and it feels so damn right, it makes me cry. Only the thought that I must leave this world, let my heart bleed. Iíll never see your kids; Iíll never see my little brother growin up and tell him everything about his dead father.
Every breath I take brings the shadows of death in my heart. Every step I take feels like it would be the last.
Hide my tears, hide my pain even as my dad left me. Lost everyone I love and it feels like I loose you to. Canít open my heart anymore, for no one. What have I become?
Oh tell me, why canít I let you go? I know it would be better for you. Iím so lost, how should you find me in the dark? Iím so dead, how should you live with me?
The death sings his peaceful song all the time, callin me, reachin me. When I close my eyes, listen to the beat of my heart, itís singin his temptin song just like the red roses can. Donít want to sleep anymore, so afraid to let him take me away from you. I can fallow him, only if I let me go. Just got to close my eyes and tell my mind to give up. The blood is runnin trough my veins, infected with his virus and it feels so bittersweet and peaceful. Begin me to let go.
But I wonít, no I wonít. I recognize that this will be my fight for the rest of my life. My burden and the price Iíve got to pay. Iíll pay, as long as youíre there and you want me to be on your side. And if love leaves me, I now itís time to go, cause thatís what lifeís about. So my fate is in your hand, you are my Charon.
13.1.06 22:34
 


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